Because of course while writing a Nibelungenlied parody I have to have Nibelungenlied feels. Which mainly means Kriemhild feels and Hagen feels. Which means mostly Hagen feels, okay, I admit it. You try resisting the dark, grim but utterly loyal and dedicated badass with all the angsty backstories, I dare you.

… By feels I obviously mean “let’s see if I can search for hours to find LOADS of obscure stuff and contradicting information and generally get even more obsessed”.

So, yeah. I finally read the Waltharius - in English, because I just can’t ever find stuff in Italian, Italian literary has no stuff - and you probably should too.

If you like stories about true love, dangerous adventures, brave knights, great treasures, parents selling their own children to save their asses, asshole kings acting like assholes, and lots of maiming, that’s it. But, then again, who doesn’t?

Have a helpful link: http://ilcrepuscolo.altervista.org/php5/index.php/Waltharius_Manu_Fortis



Anyway. This is what I got from reading the Waltharius.
Warning for silly fangirl interpretation of overdramatic epic poems, of course.




( Fangirling over normal stuff is overrated anyway )




… Basically, expect fics. Slash fics. OT3 fics. Angst fics. Missing Moments fics.
All the fics.
Well, as soon as I get over my writer’s block and everything I write stops being crap, anyway.

Sometimes I feel like, no matter what I do and how hard I try, my writing is always going to suck.

Sometimes I just read those stories - you know the ones. The stories you can see and touch and smell, the ones that feel more real than the reality you're living or at least more genuine and interesting. The ones with all those characters who act and talk like actual people only they're likeable and anyway you just keep liking them even if they're complete douchebags, and the world around them is so believable that it doesn't seem to need them anymore to keep existing, and each and every tiny little detail is so perfectly placed and fits naturally in the bigger picture. The ones that run so smoothly, punch you repeatedly in the gut, fill your belly with warmth and make something inside your chest tingle pleasantly, just under the skin.

Then I realise that I don't know what the very moment before a storm smells like - the whole "faint tinge of ozone in the air", you know it. Everbody seems to know it.
And I wouldn't even compare blood to copper. I don't even know what copper tastes like. I've never had the urge to put copper in my mouth.
(... Though I had a kind of a phase as kid when I kept scratching my back and ankles until I drew blood. I solemnly swear I didn't have fleas. I just had weird interests from an early age. And the only vaguely creepy things were the thin scars between my shoulderblades. So, anyway, sometimes I kind of smeared the blood over the skin, then licked my fingers. Didn't smell like copper. Didn't taste like what copper would probably taste like. Feeling like a complete weirdo while writing this.)
And I don't think I've ever managed to smell someone's skin. Shampoo, perfume, cologne, sweat, filth ... I can get these. But the only type of skin smell I recognize is "old people smell". The rest is just a generic "clean human being" smell, if even that, nothing distinctive. The hottest guy on Earth could hug me repeatedly and I'd probably barely manage to smell his hair gel.

And the colour tables on Tumbrl, the ones that are supposed to help writers with description, they just confuse me to no end. Why is "lemonade" a type of pink, if lemonade is made with lemons and lemons definitely aren't pink? Why are "snow" and "frost" blue? Does anyone actually use "boysenberry" or "parakeet" in descriptions? Can people really distinguish all these types of black? They make me feel like I've got even more problems with my eyes, or like I'm just stupid.
Am I the only one who doesn't see people with "richly ivory coloured skin, enhanced by soft warm rouge undertones and just a hint of coral in the cheeks" everyday walking down the street?
I'm one of those cheap writers who just sticks to "hair like gold" and "eyes as blue as a clear sky" because they're easy ...

And I know I sound whiny. I know I sound like I'am badmouthing people who write a lot better than me.
It's just that sometimes I feel like there's a whole world I'm missing on. Because I'm not observant and deep enough, and that probably means I'm not interesting enough, and that probably means I've got nothing to say and what little I could think up has surely already been said to the point that everyone is sick of hearing about it.

I know it's the pathetic, embarassing stuff teenage angst is made of. I know it's probably just me making up excuses for my mediocre-at-best writing, for my vague descriptions and featureless similes, for not manning up and actually starting to plan and write those plots I keep dreaming about or wishing someone else would write for me, for being lazy and envying writers who aren't and also actually are talented.
I know it sounds like I'm begging for pats on the back and that kind of stuff. It's just that sometimes I get frustrated at myself. And when I get frustrated, I'm pretty damn shitty to be around.

... Yes, I also know nothing in this post makes sense.
 

... Or, the useless and irrationally angry musings of a too-fangirlish fangirl. Though, seriously, what did you expect from one with that sort of username?

Anyway, these are things that piss me off as Norse Mythology-obsessed creep with a soft spot for Sigyn and Loki/Sigyn.


( So here it comes the sound of rant )

… Yeah, I’m done now. A little less angry, a little more embarrassed by my own nerdiness and fangirling.
Time to write more Loki/Sigyn p0rn, I guess.


     

I hate the classic uke stereotype - you know, helpless, whiny, useless, always crying and moaning ...

Yeah, I hate it too. It's so one-dimensional and generic and unbelievable, the sort of stuff you write when you can't be bothered to do anything better.

It's so fucking girly and stupid.

Wait, what? Girly? As in, stuff girls who are into yaoi like ...?

Why do they have to turn characters who are adult males and perfectly capable of taking care of themselves into women? Why do they have to make them weak?

Uh ... I don't quite see the relation between the two things? I mean, you can't possibly be implying that women can't take care of themselves like grown men do, or that women are inherently weak, or that portraying a male character as weak means making him become effeminate and giving him flaws only women have, or ... oh.

They just make them so emotional, like women.

Please tell me you're not saying women are base creatures entirely ruled by emotions and feelings, while men are able to think rationally and control their own reactions. Also because I'm pretty sure this excuse was used to oppress women since at least Ancient Greece ...

Real men never act like that.

Because men are always tough and strong and manly, right? And that's how they have to be, right? Men go out and hunt scary beasts, while women stay home and cook and sew and cry in a corner - because crying is another thing only women do.

I mean, they're women with penises!

Pre-op MTF transsexual women, you mean? Now you're using transphobia to support your arguments?

And then they always get raped! Why are they so weak and useless that other people rape them? They're such sluts, really!

Now imagine it's a woman you're reading about. Imagine that you're calling a woman weak and useless for having been raped. That you're saying you expect every woman to be strong enough to fend off a would-be rapist, no matter if she was taken by surprise or if she's scared or injuried or restrained. That you're calling a woman a slut for having been raped.
Now, go and take a good long hard look at yourself in the nearest mirror.

But I didn't mean it like that!

Yeah, I'm willing to believe you didn't. But that's still what you said.







You can hate on anything. You can love to hate on anything and everything.
But if you can only hate on silly Fandom stuff by spewing crap filled to the brim with mysoginy, heteronormativity, transphobia and cis privilege, then just shut the fuck up already. You're not doing anything good to your Fandom, you're just reinforcing harmful stereotypes and showing everybody what a narrow-minded git you are.

Call me a crazy SJW all you want now - as I said, I honestly don't care what you meant and what you didn't mean.
Oh, but in case you agree, check out this lovely little comic, I bet you'll love it!

Title: Stasis
Fandom: Perkeros
Characters: Jaana (mentioned: Akseli, Lilja)
Pairing: Akseli/Jaana, implied Akseli/Lilja
Summary: Some things change. Some things never will.
Warnings: het, angst, unrequieted love, implied cheating



( There had been a time - just a few years ago, just a lifetime ago - when her world had swayed and rocked to the tune of his songs. )

"Because it's cute" and "because they look cute together" are perfectly good reasons to ship something. "They never interacted in Canon but I think they'd get along great because of their personalities" is a perfectly good reason to ship something. "It's interesting", "it's funny" and "they're my favourite characters" are all perfectly good reasons to ship something.
"I ship them because" is a perfectly good reason to ship something. 
The important thing is writing and reading good fanfictions, drawing and looking at good fanarts, making and watching good fanvideos. Why do we have to question everybody and their reasons and say that they aren't "good fans" or "true fans" or whatever when we could just lay back and enjoy shipping in all its shapes?

I actually did it. I created a Norse Mythology kinkmeme. I have absolutely no experience with handling communities, but here I go.
You can find it here.




BTW, è in inglese perché in questo modo forse - forse - qualcuno se lo filerà e non morirà entro una settimana, ma stavo pensando di creare un secondo kinkmeme in italiano. Avevo anche pensato ad un kinkmeme bilingue, ma temo che potrebbe diventare troppo confusionario, what with the double posts and all. Consigli?





EDIT: Ecco il kinkmeme italiano! :D

Eurovision is coming. Just like Winter and the White Walkers. Or the Oncoming Storm and a Dalek armada in a Season Finale of Doom written by Moffat. Or, heck, just my incoming rage at the final votation where everybody will be just voting their neighbours ...
Somehow, I feel they're all fitting similes.

And now, for some useless random thoughts ...


Austria: Are you aware that you're more fabulous than Romania last year? Dat beard. Dat beautiful song. Dat beard ... <3
Iceland: Stop having the cutest songs, guys. Like, seriously. First Coming Home, then Never Forget, now THIS?! Being cute like that should be illegal.
Latvia: OMG PERFECTION. If they accept me for this study holiday in Riga this summer, I'm planning on singing this ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Finland: Guys. GUYS. You don't need Finnish Coldplay or Finnish One Direction or whatever you're aiming for to be cool. I mean, you have so many brilliant artists like Apocalyptica and Nightwish and HIM, you obviously can do better. And, heck, last time you won you had Lordi ... perhaps you should take it as a clue? Or at least go back to that adorable Paradise Oskar guy. This just sounds so average and generic ...
Albania: I tried listening to this song on Youtube on two videos, comments were disabled on both. WTF is up with that?
Some really bad hate? But it's quite a nice song! And I really like Hersi's voice. Though I prefer the Albanian version to the English one.
Italy: I don't even know what we're doing this year. It's not that I hate Emma like many other rude assholes people on Youtube, and the song is kinda catchy, but ... meh. I liked Raphael Gualazzi and Nina Zilli a lot better. Oh, well, at least we have a good chance of winning. Songs that make me go "meh" always seem to make Europe go crazy.


Of course, there is a chance that Finland will win. Just because I don't really like it. Eurovision is a bitch like that.

Am I seriously the only fangirl who craves a Norse Mythology kinkmeme?
Like, not a generic mythology kinkmeme - actually, there is one already, but it's kinda, you know, dead and not resurrecting anytime soon. And certainly not a Greek/Roman Mythology kinkmeme with the odd reference to other pantheons. And, heck, NOT a Thor kinkmeme where everyone throws random mythologic names around in their porn - "LOL I made Freya an Asian-American asexual guy who married Bruce Banner in Las Vegas years before the start of the actual prompt" - and acts like an experct because they read Loki fucked a horse in a fanfiction.
... Okay, okay, I know. But it seriously gets annoying and tiring when you search for Norse Mythology fanfics on AO3 and all you ever get is Marvel!Thorki with some vague mention in the first line of the prologue of "that awesome chick Glut who's totally Loki's first and most important wife and gave him loads of kids and I'm pretty sure she's EVERYWHERE in the original lore" (okay, "respect other people's headcanons", I get it and I try to always apply it - but still) because people either honestly think MCU = Norse Myths or just don't know how to use tags. (No, it's not a crossover, it's just that you made a Marvel!Jotun OC and decided to call xir Angrboda.)
I want a place were people say "Norse" and actually mean it. I want a place where I can ask for fanarts of Loki's scarred lips or Modgud/Hell fluffy fanfics or Freyr/Freya "this is fordibben in Asgard but who gives a fuck" sexytimes, where I can see if other people share my headcanons and compare characterizations, where I can joke about the "Aesir were Trojan heroes" theories or about Heimdall's huge threesome kink and people get it - and, above all, a place where nobody ever says "Asgardians".
Norse Mythology is basically the perfect Fandom - it's got crossdressing, slash (and femslash, if we want to look a bit deeper into Frigg and Fulla's relationship ...), bestiality, loads of angst, weird humor, incest, awesome female characters who don't need to be turned into Valkyrie-like warriors to be cool ... and up until now I've only found a bit of Loki/Sigyn and a couple of Odin/Loki fics. It's depressing, really.
Yeah, yeah, I know. "You want it, you write it". And you know what? I did, I do and I will keep doing it.
But I still think a Norse Mythology kinkmeme would be the best thing since the mead-goat.