A Fangirl Reads the Waltharius
Dec. 13th, 2014 06:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sigyn_haljaBecause of course while writing a Nibelungenlied parody I have to have Nibelungenlied feels. Which mainly means Kriemhild feels and Hagen feels. Which means mostly Hagen feels, okay, I admit it. You try resisting the dark, grim but utterly loyal and dedicated badass with all the angsty backstories, I dare you.
… By feels I obviously mean “let’s see if I can search for hours to find LOADS of obscure stuff and contradicting informationand generally get even more obsessed”.
So, yeah. I finally read the Waltharius - in English, because I just can’t ever find stuff in Italian, Italian literary has no stuff - and you probably should too.
If you like stories about true love, dangerous adventures, brave knights, great treasures, parents selling their own children to save their asses, asshole kings acting like assholes, and lots of maiming, that’s it. But, then again, who doesn’t?
Have a helpful link: http://ilcrepuscolo.altervista.org/php5/index.php/Waltharius_Manu_Fortis
Anyway. This is what I got from reading the Waltharius.
Warning for silly fangirl interpretation of overdramatic epic poems, of course.
· I SERIOUSLY need a spin-off epic entirely about Hildegund. I mean, this chick is the friggin’ Steward of Attila the Hun’s Treasure. The exact words in my translation are: “at last she was made the steward to watch over all the king's treasure, and she was but little short of ruling herself, for, whatever she wanted, she actually did”. Attila’s wife Ospirin, the one character who keeps giving advice to Attila himself, trusts her and loves because of her “outstanding character” and “industrious work”. On top of that, you gotta remember that she is an only child and so she was originally expected to inherit her father’s throne, too. That sounds like a very clever, pragmatic and strong-willed lady to me. Heck, she is even so good at giving first aid that, thanks to her, not just one but three badly-wounded characters manage to survive and not bleed to death: that requires both skill and enough presence of mind not to freak out at empty eye sockets and severed limbs and stuff!
· … And Walter just keeps ordering her around. For real. I mean, I get why he just goes and tells her to find all this stuff for him, because they need it to escape and they need it kind of right the fuck now - and also she’s the fucking steward and she does what she wants so you don’t just question why the fucking steward suddenly needs that many fishing hooks and whatnot. Plus, she’s the only one of them who can get close enough to the treasure to steal it - because, again, fucking steward. I do think that Walter was just messing with her with the whole “oh and also eight boots and other eight boots and just ALL THE BOOTS” thing, though ... but, to get back on track, I also get that Walter is the expert in travels and the one who can fight and so Hildegund need to rely on him a lot while they’re on the run. Still, having her sit in a cave, cry, and be quiet and scared and in constant need of reassurance is just - can you say They Wasted A Perfectly Good Character? Yeah, you can. Well, at least in the first part she does give Walter a piece of her mind - before throwing herself at his knees and telling him she’d do everything he ordered even if it meant she had to suffer horribly, I mean.
· Hagen, Walter and Hildegund are actually pretty shitty to Attila and Ospirin, if you really think about it. I mean, I do understand that they’re hostages and being held in a foreign land since childhood, kinda like a Theon Greyjoy situation only without the whole icky rebellion & simulated child murder business. Still, Mr and Mrs The Hun raise them like their own children - Ospirin calls Walter “light of Pannonia” and Hildegund her “dear child” and … uh, I guess she didn’t really like Hagen that much? Okay, I’ll just assume she did but she was angry at him since he was the first one to run off - and they give them all positions of power. Attila has a goddamn breakdown when he discovers Walter and Hildegund have escaped: he doesn’t just order his warriors to chase them and bring them back, he goes mute for a while, stops eating and drinking, doesn’t even sleep. It just gets sadder when you realize that there’s no mention at all of Attila and Ospirin’s biological kids, and that Ospirin was actually really doubtful about the whole child hostages thing before Hildegund managed to get her to warm up to them. Yet Walter and Hildegund’s adventure is all about running away from the “hated, feared land”. In a story that’s basically all about CONFLICTING LOYALTIES EVERYWHERE CONFLICTING LOYALTIES RIGHT IN YOUR FACE LOOK HOW CONFLICTED I AM BECAUSE OF MY LOYALTIES, you’d expect a little more complexity, really. Now I feel the need to write bittersweet Hunnish Family fics ...
· Speaking of fics. Why is nobody writing child!fics or at least pre-Waltharius fics about Hagen, Walter and Hildegund. Why. What’s wrong with you people. We’re talking three brilliant young persons - two skilled warriors who’ve also had an instruction in the arts and apparently in making weird jokes at the most inappropriate moments, one beautiful maiden who’s been raised by the goddamn queen of the Huns and is awarded with a fucking important position that pretty much spells out CLEVER LADY HERE - who get carried off to a strange land and have to grow up there together, away from their families, having to learn a new culture, and being helpful and supportive to each other through all of it. And then they part ways and two of them end up almost murdering each other, leaving the third one to patch them up and give them a chance of reconciling instead of dying from blood loss or infected wounds. If that doesn’t scream Angsty Childhood BFFs to you, you have a problem. Hell, if that doesn’t scream Tragic OT3 to you, well - the problem may actually just be my penchant for seeing OT3s everywhere, actually. But I still wonder how the hell you don’t see it.
· … Which reminds me: the slash. This poem is basically slashfic about Hagen having to choose between two men. I’m serious, the whole point is Hagen deciding whether his oath to his beloved friend is more important than his loyalty to his king, and angsting over the whole friendship versus (Nibelungen)treue thing … with bonus Gunther and Walter acting like jealous boyfriends in the background. I mean, as soon as Hagen refers to Walter as his “comrade”, Gunther is instantly hell-bent on fighting him and taking away his treasure, insists that Hagen has to help him do this, and refuses to act in anything resembling a rational way - and he actually calls Walter a “wolfhound bitch” once. Walter, too, gets pretty pissed when he sees Gunther embracing and kissing Hagen to “comfort him”, and feels the need to point out how Hagen “in his recent departure seemed hardly able to be pried away from [Walter’s] embrace” and how Gunther is just a wimp who sucks at fighting like a true man anyway. Hagen himself … oh, I just can’t choose the best part. Blushing when Gunther straight up begs him to fight, telling Gunther that he’s only willing to fight for him before telling Walter that he’s totally only fighting to avenge his nephew and his fellow knights no other reason at all really, constantly praising Walter’s strength and skill in battle and angsting about their childhood oath … are your fangirl senses tingling yet?
· Gunther is totally a Bastard Boyfriend, though. I mean, Hagen gets sent to Attila’s court to save Gunther’s ass, runs off to him as soon as he becomes king, gets in the way of a possibly deadly blow to save him … and Gunther keeps ignoring his advice - seriously, count how many times Hagen goes “this is a really bad idea” and Gunther just goes “lol I don’t care” -, calls him a coward in front of the other knights, calls his father a coward in front of the other knights, shames him because he’s “disowning his manhood” instead of fighting an hopeless battle and dying like everybody else, and generally makes understanding why anybody would want to stay loyal to him very difficult. I like to imagine that in the Nibelungenlied, where Hagen is Gunther’s most trusted advisor, Hagen just asks “HEY REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME AT WASGENSTEIN??” every time Gunther doesn’t feel like listening to him.
· I can’t shake off the feeling that Gunther takes after his dad in that respect, for some reason. I mean, of course he wouldn’t give his newborn son away as a hostage, I get that. Walter and Hildegund may have been only children and the heir to their kingdoms, but at least they were older. But the reason he sends Hagen instead of Gunther is the “von Tronje” thing, which he assumes actually means “totally from Troy, certified origin and everything!”. Unfortunately for me, I read the Waltharius after a trip on Wikipedia … so, well, I was just going “wait a sec what if he’s just from Belgium?!” the whole time. And giggling. ‘Cause I’m the kind of nerd who giggles at stuff like that. Hey, come on, I’m not proud of this side of me!
· Okay, back to the Hunnish Family now. Attila apparently taught Hagen and Walter Hunnish humor and how to joke even in the direst situation. Just remember this when you get to the end of the poem, okay? I swear it does make sense. My new headcanon is that people at Worms see Hagen as this grim and gloomy guy because nobody ever gets his jokes so he doesn’t even try anymore and prefers to just shut up. Well, I guess most people who aren’t Walter of Aquitaine don’t answer to “lol I cut off your hand” jokes with “lol I cut off your eye” jokes … I mean, Kriemhild for one doesn’t seem too fond of “lol killed your husband” jokes, later on …
· But seriously. Just read this. And make sure to get to the end. Because the end is adorable, in its own weird way. <3
… Basically, expect fics. Slash fics. OT3 fics. Angst fics. Missing Moments fics.
All the fics.
Well, as soon as I get over my writer’s block and everything I write stops being crap, anyway.
… By feels I obviously mean “let’s see if I can search for hours to find LOADS of obscure stuff and contradicting information
So, yeah. I finally read the Waltharius - in English, because I just can’t ever find stuff in Italian, Italian literary has no stuff - and you probably should too.
If you like stories about true love, dangerous adventures, brave knights, great treasures, parents selling their own children to save their asses, asshole kings acting like assholes, and lots of maiming, that’s it. But, then again, who doesn’t?
Have a helpful link: http://ilcrepuscolo.altervista.org/php5/index.php/Waltharius_Manu_Fortis
Anyway. This is what I got from reading the Waltharius.
Warning for silly fangirl interpretation of overdramatic epic poems, of course.
· I SERIOUSLY need a spin-off epic entirely about Hildegund. I mean, this chick is the friggin’ Steward of Attila the Hun’s Treasure. The exact words in my translation are: “at last she was made the steward to watch over all the king's treasure, and she was but little short of ruling herself, for, whatever she wanted, she actually did”. Attila’s wife Ospirin, the one character who keeps giving advice to Attila himself, trusts her and loves because of her “outstanding character” and “industrious work”. On top of that, you gotta remember that she is an only child and so she was originally expected to inherit her father’s throne, too. That sounds like a very clever, pragmatic and strong-willed lady to me. Heck, she is even so good at giving first aid that, thanks to her, not just one but three badly-wounded characters manage to survive and not bleed to death: that requires both skill and enough presence of mind not to freak out at empty eye sockets and severed limbs and stuff!
· … And Walter just keeps ordering her around. For real. I mean, I get why he just goes and tells her to find all this stuff for him, because they need it to escape and they need it kind of right the fuck now - and also she’s the fucking steward and she does what she wants so you don’t just question why the fucking steward suddenly needs that many fishing hooks and whatnot. Plus, she’s the only one of them who can get close enough to the treasure to steal it - because, again, fucking steward. I do think that Walter was just messing with her with the whole “oh and also eight boots and other eight boots and just ALL THE BOOTS” thing, though ... but, to get back on track, I also get that Walter is the expert in travels and the one who can fight and so Hildegund need to rely on him a lot while they’re on the run. Still, having her sit in a cave, cry, and be quiet and scared and in constant need of reassurance is just - can you say They Wasted A Perfectly Good Character? Yeah, you can. Well, at least in the first part she does give Walter a piece of her mind - before throwing herself at his knees and telling him she’d do everything he ordered even if it meant she had to suffer horribly, I mean.
· Hagen, Walter and Hildegund are actually pretty shitty to Attila and Ospirin, if you really think about it. I mean, I do understand that they’re hostages and being held in a foreign land since childhood, kinda like a Theon Greyjoy situation only without the whole icky rebellion & simulated child murder business. Still, Mr and Mrs The Hun raise them like their own children - Ospirin calls Walter “light of Pannonia” and Hildegund her “dear child” and … uh, I guess she didn’t really like Hagen that much? Okay, I’ll just assume she did but she was angry at him since he was the first one to run off - and they give them all positions of power. Attila has a goddamn breakdown when he discovers Walter and Hildegund have escaped: he doesn’t just order his warriors to chase them and bring them back, he goes mute for a while, stops eating and drinking, doesn’t even sleep. It just gets sadder when you realize that there’s no mention at all of Attila and Ospirin’s biological kids, and that Ospirin was actually really doubtful about the whole child hostages thing before Hildegund managed to get her to warm up to them. Yet Walter and Hildegund’s adventure is all about running away from the “hated, feared land”. In a story that’s basically all about CONFLICTING LOYALTIES EVERYWHERE CONFLICTING LOYALTIES RIGHT IN YOUR FACE LOOK HOW CONFLICTED I AM BECAUSE OF MY LOYALTIES, you’d expect a little more complexity, really. Now I feel the need to write bittersweet Hunnish Family fics ...
· Speaking of fics. Why is nobody writing child!fics or at least pre-Waltharius fics about Hagen, Walter and Hildegund. Why. What’s wrong with you people. We’re talking three brilliant young persons - two skilled warriors who’ve also had an instruction in the arts and apparently in making weird jokes at the most inappropriate moments, one beautiful maiden who’s been raised by the goddamn queen of the Huns and is awarded with a fucking important position that pretty much spells out CLEVER LADY HERE - who get carried off to a strange land and have to grow up there together, away from their families, having to learn a new culture, and being helpful and supportive to each other through all of it. And then they part ways and two of them end up almost murdering each other, leaving the third one to patch them up and give them a chance of reconciling instead of dying from blood loss or infected wounds. If that doesn’t scream Angsty Childhood BFFs to you, you have a problem. Hell, if that doesn’t scream Tragic OT3 to you, well - the problem may actually just be my penchant for seeing OT3s everywhere, actually. But I still wonder how the hell you don’t see it.
· … Which reminds me: the slash. This poem is basically slashfic about Hagen having to choose between two men. I’m serious, the whole point is Hagen deciding whether his oath to his beloved friend is more important than his loyalty to his king, and angsting over the whole friendship versus (Nibelungen)treue thing … with bonus Gunther and Walter acting like jealous boyfriends in the background. I mean, as soon as Hagen refers to Walter as his “comrade”, Gunther is instantly hell-bent on fighting him and taking away his treasure, insists that Hagen has to help him do this, and refuses to act in anything resembling a rational way - and he actually calls Walter a “wolfhound bitch” once. Walter, too, gets pretty pissed when he sees Gunther embracing and kissing Hagen to “comfort him”, and feels the need to point out how Hagen “in his recent departure seemed hardly able to be pried away from [Walter’s] embrace” and how Gunther is just a wimp who sucks at fighting like a true man anyway. Hagen himself … oh, I just can’t choose the best part. Blushing when Gunther straight up begs him to fight, telling Gunther that he’s only willing to fight for him before telling Walter that he’s totally only fighting to avenge his nephew and his fellow knights no other reason at all really, constantly praising Walter’s strength and skill in battle and angsting about their childhood oath … are your fangirl senses tingling yet?
· Gunther is totally a Bastard Boyfriend, though. I mean, Hagen gets sent to Attila’s court to save Gunther’s ass, runs off to him as soon as he becomes king, gets in the way of a possibly deadly blow to save him … and Gunther keeps ignoring his advice - seriously, count how many times Hagen goes “this is a really bad idea” and Gunther just goes “lol I don’t care” -, calls him a coward in front of the other knights, calls his father a coward in front of the other knights, shames him because he’s “disowning his manhood” instead of fighting an hopeless battle and dying like everybody else, and generally makes understanding why anybody would want to stay loyal to him very difficult. I like to imagine that in the Nibelungenlied, where Hagen is Gunther’s most trusted advisor, Hagen just asks “HEY REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME AT WASGENSTEIN??” every time Gunther doesn’t feel like listening to him.
· I can’t shake off the feeling that Gunther takes after his dad in that respect, for some reason. I mean, of course he wouldn’t give his newborn son away as a hostage, I get that. Walter and Hildegund may have been only children and the heir to their kingdoms, but at least they were older. But the reason he sends Hagen instead of Gunther is the “von Tronje” thing, which he assumes actually means “totally from Troy, certified origin and everything!”. Unfortunately for me, I read the Waltharius after a trip on Wikipedia … so, well, I was just going “wait a sec what if he’s just from Belgium?!” the whole time. And giggling. ‘Cause I’m the kind of nerd who giggles at stuff like that. Hey, come on, I’m not proud of this side of me!
· Okay, back to the Hunnish Family now. Attila apparently taught Hagen and Walter Hunnish humor and how to joke even in the direst situation. Just remember this when you get to the end of the poem, okay? I swear it does make sense. My new headcanon is that people at Worms see Hagen as this grim and gloomy guy because nobody ever gets his jokes so he doesn’t even try anymore and prefers to just shut up. Well, I guess most people who aren’t Walter of Aquitaine don’t answer to “lol I cut off your hand” jokes with “lol I cut off your eye” jokes … I mean, Kriemhild for one doesn’t seem too fond of “lol killed your husband” jokes, later on …
· But seriously. Just read this. And make sure to get to the end. Because the end is adorable, in its own weird way. <3
… Basically, expect fics. Slash fics. OT3 fics. Angst fics. Missing Moments fics.
All the fics.
Well, as soon as I get over my writer’s block and everything I write stops being crap, anyway.
